My Argument's On Valentine's Day
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA #9
1/28/13
When a lot of people think about Valentine's Day they have different opinions on the holiday. Some like it, some skip school, others are looking around befuddled on what's happening. I don't exactly have a preference, but I'm going to show you both sides of the argument, and some possibilities of what could happen if we celebrate it or not, and may help you decide what you think. This is coming from the mind Tom Male, and Karen.
Dear Editor,
I don't think Valentine's Day should be celebrated in classrooms any more. Right now I'm speaking for the people who have the same dilemma as the one that has come upon me. This is my annual V-day:
Every girl in my class gives me the googly eyes, and I'm creeped out. They're always slipping past me and calling me "Sugar Booger," and some other names similar to that, but that I'm just to red-faced to admit. And all I have to face to them with are heart-shaped cards stating phrases like, "I love you," and "Be mine." After the girls get the adoring eyes on, I usually have to tell them that I don't like them that way, and to please stop sending me creepy Emails. Besides, my only real true love is God, because He loves me like I love Him. He also made my life possible, and I don't want to waste it inside a trashcan for the rest of my time in middle school. That's the reason I think Valentine's Day should be no longer celebrated in classrooms.
From,
Tom Male; age 12
Dear Editor,
I think Valentine's Day should still be celebrated in classrooms, because it brings interesting things to my 5th grade classroom. You never no if someone if someone is going to leave you a love note or not, or present you with a bouquet of flowers. Sadly that's never happened to me before. All the past Valentine's Days I'm the first one to get to my bag, and it's full of cards saying things like saying, "You're breath smells great today, please tell me what toothpaste you use. Love, Shane." Once I found a piece of gum at the bottom of my bag, I was unsure what I was supposed to do with it. So I just put it over my nose and pretended it was a breathe-right strip. You never no what kind of glee you can experience at Valentine's Day, so that's my argument on why we should be continuing on celebrating this lovely holiday.
Sincerely,
Karen: age 35
I Have Dreams
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA#8
1/23/13
I Mackenzie E. Culp have dreams; but this dream may make the U.S. better or take a turn for the worse. I'm sick and tired of racism, it makes me want to scream! I wish it would end, because I'm tired of hearing racist jokes about African Americans, Mexicans, Asians,and people from the Middle East. Whenever I hear a racist joke the first thoughts that come to my mind are, "Why?" I have tons of anger towards people who make racist comments, because they're not making anything better for anyone. Imagine being in the people who are being made fun of shoes; you walk into a country that you've heard great things about, but the natives there make rude signs, make fun of the way you talk, your skin tone, and your face. Racism is something that I hope will never continue on in the generations to come.
I have a dream that all the bad things we as people see about ourself would just go away. I speak for myself when I say this. When I gaze in the mirror, I see a monster behind glasses and a hoodie in my reflection. I have done such bad things in my past, and have hurt so many people, as I grow older and older, it pelts me with guilt. When people compliment me on something I did, I think that their judgement is dumb and wrong. I have asked God so many times what it is that people see in me for them to classify me as special, because I don't see it. Sometimes at recess I isolate myself from the others, because I really fear of being bothersome. Sometimes one bad thought about myself unleashes a whole river of terrible thoughts to go flooding, vigorously around my head. I think things like, " Boy, I'm so ugly. Nobody likesme. What did the world ever do to deserve a person like me walking on its soil? God, why am I here? " It makes me feel awful, and I just don't want to ruin anybody's day, so sometimes I spend recess alone.
I'm extremely sorry if I just made you depressed, and your thoughts of sunflowers, and clowns with rainbow- colored afros have totally left your mind. Good news is, I have one more dream, and it's more jubilant than the previous two. I have a dream that no matter what age you are, you have the freedom of changing your name. If that shortly became a law, I most likely would take advantage of it, because I have so many name ideas.My ideas of names that I enjoy now differs from when I was a little kid. For example: Names I Want Now: Shanaynay Auntie Bob Fatniss Tissue Box Tootsie Roll Octavia Garrula (talkative in Latin) Sandra
Names I Wanted When I Was A Youngster Sparkles Hannah Montana Violet Alex Miley
I just wanted to show you my ideas. If there was actually a law that said you could change your name at any age, I'd be going to the court house nearly every week with a new name. Or maybe just a lot of middle names! Honestly, I think my mom would think I was crazy if I changed my name to one of the names on that list. I can imagine her getting really embarrassed yelling, "Tissue Box, honey, it's time to go home." Hope you enjoyed this, and didn't get to sober with my wiki! Bye!
My Jazzy Job!
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA #7
1/14/13
I heard comedians get paid really well. They're so many things I could do with money, but I already know what I'm going to do with the money. I want to donate the money to the less fortunate. I've just started thinking about how fortunate I am for everything I have. Some people aren't that lucky. I've also been thinking about the people on the side of the rode selling newspapers for money; I've realized that they're not doing because they want to, they have no choice. I get angry when I see how much they're ignored; some people just stare right pass them. Other organizations I want to donate to are orphanages, and foster homes. I feel really strongly about donating money to organizations like that, because there's a chance I probably couldn't have been adopted. (I'm glad I was because I would never know the people I'm so lucky to know now). So I want to give the kids who haven't been adopted to have a chance, like I've had. I was adopted by the Culp's and they've made me one of their own (so have Izzy the elegant and sweet cat, and Macy, the chubby,lovable dog.) I want other kids to feel like they're loved and wanted too, and to have someone to say,"I love you," and give them warm, compassionate hugs. That's what I'm fighting for to succeed my comedic dream.
By now you probably know I strive to be a stand-up comedian when I grow up. I've told some adults, and they respond with a sour look on their face. "Ooh, you want to be a comedian? That's a tough job to do, little lady. You know, a lot of people fail doing comedy. I believe you can do it, but you'll need some major luck." Yeah, thanks for your support Bill Maher. I really hope I'll become the best comedian that has ever walked the earth. God has helped me develop my sense of humor, and I know he can help me take it farther, (praise God). I'm obsessed about being a comedian; absolutely obsessed, I'm always looking for new ways to farther expand my humor. Whether it's looking up funny videos, or watching comedy classics, I'm always looking for fresh, funny ideas. When I'm a comedian, if my audience was totally eating my comedy up and laughing so much that their sides hurt, I would go do my victory dance and thank God. I would also go check the bathrooms to see if the lines are really long!
No matter what I end up doing, I'll always know God is on my side. I want to fulfill my purpose on the earth, and be a huge blessing! And if being a comedian is a way to do so, I'll do it. I'm doing it for my families, the children, the 5th grade, and for myself. Plus, I might get to meet George Lopez! So, do you think I have what it takes to be an amazing comedian?
your page Test
My Heartfelt New Year's Resolution
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA#6
1/4/13
My last resolution is to be a better person.I want to accomplish this by being a better sport, being very encouraging, giving more people a chance, and to not act so nervous and shy around some people. Most of the time, I may seem I also want to set a better example for little kids and closely censor what I say, so they won't go home with new vocabulary words. Another thing I could do to be a better person is to make people smile more, because when I make people smile, I smile. Please don't think about the creepiness of that sentence, but I do love people, and I want to make people feel jubilant! I will do my best to accomplish these goals!
Have I Got A Sweater For You! By Mackenzie Culp GPCA#5 12/4/12 If you're looking for the most mysterious, silly,and tacky sweater, that's wool, Walmart has just the sweater for you! It's rainbow colored, and stitched magnificently on the front is a picture of Santa Claus dancing Gangnam Style. What an interesting combination, don't you think? You guys will look fabulous in it, and it'll definitely add some spark to the holiday season! The best part is profits made off of this sweater will go to an organization helping the struggling American's, that have been hit by Hurricane Sandy. WARNING: This sweater isn't returnable, so don't try to return it!
11/5/12
God Bless My Parents By Mackenzie Culp GPCA#4 Dear Mom and Dad, I just wanted to say thank you so much for adopting me. Life for me would be so different if you hadn't said you wanted me. I mean that because for my readers who don't know, I'm adopted. Earlier I mentioned that if I hadn't been adopted by my current parents I . . . well, I wouldn't be in Ms. Folan's class right now, I wouldn't even be at Summit School, and saddest of all I wouldn't know any of my fellow fifth graders. I feel so lucky and blessed to be even be here at my house typing this letter on my computer. It really brings tears to my eyes when I hear the word "adoption" not necessarily sad tears three fourths of them are jubilant tears. But the other one fourth of the tears are sad because I don't know my real parents. For other adopted people they might grow mentally distressed at not knowing who their real parents are. Not me, though sometimes I do wonder who they really are I don't have to worry, because I've got loving parents right here.
Love, Your third and last child, Mackenzie Culp
Non-Comedians Can Be Hilarious Too By Mackenzie Culp 10/12/12 GCPA #3
If I could be any person for a day I would be Bill Cosby! I would get to be payed for telling jokes and making people laugh. I might even slip in some dark humor, even though I don't think i'm the kind of person who would make fun of someone like that. The reason I'd pick to be Bill Cosby is because he has a comedy talent and a knack for making people laugh that I'd just love to have. I love when people tell me I'm really funny. When I make people laugh it makes me feel like I'm at the top of the world. If I were as funny as Bill Cosby is I'd be feeling like queen of the world. Especially if I can be like Bill Cosby.You know when people look back on their life and laugh about all the silly and goofy things they did? If I were him I'd definitely have a ton of things to laugh about (and a few stomach aches), I'd laugh about the funniest joke I told, or my favorite Cosby Show episode I was in, (in real life my favorite episode is either Mr. Sandman, Goodbye Mr. Fish, or Thanksgiving At The Huxstables (Cliff's Wet Adventure). Or maybe think back to me interviewing The Jackson 5 in 1974, or even when I was interviewed by George Lopez. I could also ponder over how many famous people I know/knew. Like Stevie Wonder (I'd love to meet him) , Keshia Knight Pulliam, Tempest Bledsoe, Phlicia Rashad, Malcom Jamal Warner, Raven Symone, Lisa Bonnet, Sabrina Lebeauf, Michael Jackson etc. I would really like to meet all of them some day because they were all in at least one episode in the show. I know Bill knew Michael Jackson because I remember Mr. Cosby saying in an interview that he used to invite Mr. Jackson's family over to play basketball. One more reason I'd want to be Bill Cosby is because of his funny facial expressions! Whenever I feel depressed I go on my computer and look up his expressions and laugh over them. I think for me that would be a great quality to have because sometimes my facial expressions make people scared.
10/4/12
GPCA #2 Some Presidential Debate, If There Was One Like This Notes By Mackenzie Culp, girl in the running. I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, lines of worry and restless nights and dark circles around my eyes show up against my tan skin. This could be the face of the 45th president of the United States of America, but I have tough competition:Mitt Romney. I think back to my campaign. Am I going to do the things I promise? Will I lie now and face the consequences if elected? No, I can't do that. George Bush put us deep into debt, I don't want to put us even deeper in it. My campaign has been going smoothly and I see a lot of yard signs with my name on it which makes me smile, but now in this point in the election my face remains grim. I look at my schedule and my heart is now in my throat, todays the presidential debate, aaagh! I go deep into my head and find my campaign promises, I silently recite: If I'm elected president I promise more jobs, more taxes on the wealthy and less taxes on the middle class, equality, and most of all happiness. How am I going to do all this? This is an awful lot to promise for a four-year turm. I go back to bed and maybe I'll think of something asleep.
When I wake up I find myself in the car and on the road. How did I get here? Oh I must have overslept and dad could've carried me down here. How the heck did he do that? I'm very heavy. Before I know it we've arrived at the location the debate is going to take place. I step out of the car groggily and lean against the car. I look a few feet away and there I see Romney looking smug and well rested. He spots me and walks over,"Hey Culp why the long face?" he chortled."Why don't you go back home and sleep s'more? It'll do you more good than go up against me in the debate." "That just shows how smart you are Romney,"I growled, my voice hoarse,"smart talking at ten year-old.Fathomable." "Well at least I got a college degree," he laughed. His laugh sent a shiver down my spine like someone just put ice down it. I can't let him beat me. I got to beat him and beat him good.
I'm now on stage and looking into the monstrous crowd before me. I glance at my family and hear my brother say,"If she wins the election she'll have a job before I do." I guess that is comforting. I feel a hand touch my shoulder,"Don't worry I'll be right here with you," my running mate Joe Biden cooed in my ear. "Attention please all you lovely ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the Presidential Debate of 2012! Our first topic you two will be discussing is taxes. Each one of you only gets three minutes so hurry up." announced the announcer. Darn, I thought the speech was going to be longer than that. Romney glared maliciously at me,"Well people I promise less taxes on the wealthy, more taxes on the middle class, and seniors to pay up to $1600 a year," Romney announced satisfied. "What you talkin' 'bout Willis? Man you have it all wrong, that's just messed up!" I exclaimed. "First of all there should be more taxes on millionaires and less taxes on the middle class, seniors should pay less because they're you know . . . seniors. People of America do you want to vote for somebody who would do that to y'all?" I asked them. "No," they replied. Well almost all of them, except some millionaires in the back said "Yes." "Mr. Romney is it true that in 2009 you made millions of dollars?" I questioned him."Yes," he bragged proudly. "And you only paid 14% of it in taxes?' "Yes," he agreed his smugness sliding away. "Oh please,"Romney spat,"she's only ten and I hardly think she should be qualified to discuss the matter." "I second," agreed his running mate Paul Ryan. "You think because she's ten she can't talk about the matter?" angered Joe Biden. "Well yeah," replied Paul Ryan. "You and I need to step in the back, Paul," Joe screamed. Obediently he and Joe went to the back a.k.a. the parking lot three blocks down. Oh great Joe's gotten into a fight and we haven't been here ten minutes.
"I think we should change the subject to jobs," Romney groaned. "Yes Mr. Romney, I would like to talk to you about that too," I smiled. "I know a lot of Americans have lost their jobs, but we will find a solution. Which is with the extra money we gain from the wealthy we can use it to build more jobs, factories and franchises , and pay more people with more money." "This ten year-old knows what she's talking about," a man in the front exclaimed. "I think we should use that money with something else, Romney spluttered. "What for, to buy yourself some new grandpa suspenders?" I asked. His face turned bright red and he got angry.
"Lets now talk about debt," the announcer pleaded. "Ladies first," Romney glared, shooting daggers of hatred from his eyes. "I think we should lower taxes on the middle class, and let the wealthy pay a little more so-" "We're on debt not taxes here," chuckled Romney. "Don't interupt me, you didn't let me get to the point,"I sassed. "If you would've gotten to the point faster I wouldn't have had to interrupt you," Romney shot back. "Mr. Romney I think you should let the woman speak," urged the announcer. "Well my mouth is open so I'm going to say something," Romney argued. "If only your mouth was closed," wished the announcer.
Before he could come up with a clever retort the producer yelled,"That's it for the Presidential Debate of 2012, some debate it was though.We didn't even get to all the topics.But I think we'll finally get more viewers this time!" he screamed delightedly."Who will win the election? Who will lose?" I hope I win, but how will I, I'm only ten? You got to, I told myself, you just got to.
I look at Romney who's attempt in anger to drink water he ends up furiously getting his suit wet. I can't let that guy be president, he'll probably get into some arguement with a four year-old for chewing gum too loudly. Now that I've thought of that I have got to win, but the rest of the election ahead of me is unforseen. I think I should be elected because I promise more jobs, equality,to lower taxes on the middle class,happiness and to make America a better place.
Here's Mackey signing off!
GPCA #1
The Real Cell Parts Parody of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem. Intro May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will all y'all students please listen up? I repeat, will all y'all students please listen up? You're gonna learn some science here. Verse 1 Y'all act like you've never seen a plant cell before. Eyes looking at the door like you're expecting a classroom war. Well look at me here you gonna learn some more, whether you like it or not or you're extremely bored (no!). Lets start with me the chloroplasts because I'm important. I make food with all the sun's energy that I'm storing. I make the plant green and I'm really essential to the plants body. Chloroplasts are things that the animal cells don't need, because they capture their own food and don't need the sun's energy.We should be thankful for chloroplasts, if plants didn't have them we would have to think of something fast(oh yeah).I'll probably have to move on to something else, because I want to educate you on plant cells very well.So you better listen up and keep your ears very clean, don't look at me like that with all those sad faces I know you're keen.I hope that sticks in your brain, sticks in your brain, because what I'm about to tell you might seem insane. So listen up put away all y'all's Hunger Games books, then pay attention 'cause I'm a lot stronger than I look.And of course I'm going to tell y'all what a cell wall is it helps the plant cell keep its shape square, and its edges are hard so the cell won't tare.
The animal cells say that plant cells having a cell wall isn't fair. Just face it animal cells we just don't care.
I frequently chat with Mr.Cell Wall, he talks about how his work is so hard and all. I mean you'd think standing on the outside of us isn't so hard, but he has to keep us in line and for that he's a star! But if you feel Cell Wall does then a vacation is a must, get ready everyone here's the chorus!
Chorus
I'm a chloroplast, yes I'm a chloroplast, I'm going to teach you parts of a plant cell really fast,
so students in the room please listen up, please listen up, please listen up.
[ X2 ]
Verse 2
All y'all kids might mistake me for jelly, but I'm not, so please don't confuse me with it again.
To all you kids in the classroom who are ten or eleven, I work 24/7. I have to guard the captain, the one who makes everything
happen,almost like a chief or commando. As you see I have a very important role.I put my arms almost like a bear hug around our captain Nucleus very protectively,because
if I don't the jokes on me (he-he). If I let something harm Nucleus I might as well quit now, 'cause if I do our whole plant cell is going down. But I have some tough enemies, like viruses or bacteria. If they somehow get through me the other cell parts will give me very harsh criteria.
Speaking of the other cell parts they don't trust me because I'm really extremely large and rather jiggly.
Chorus
'Cause I'm Cytoplasm, yes I'm Cytoplasm. I'm gonna watch all you viruses and bacteria spasm because I'm the guarder of the Nucleus, Nucleus, Nucleus.
[ X2 ]
Verse 3
Speaking of a Captain Nucleus here I am! The Cytoplasm protects me and fights for me like I'm Uncle Sam. I'm the one in charge around here, so do what I say. To all you humans, I'm a smaller version of a brain. I control how the cell grows, develops, and divides. When I tell my little minions what to do, their all ears and eyes. I control about 90% of what happens.I'm like Senecca Crane from the Hunger Games.It's funny, i have a lot to do today. Virus and bacteria are on their way.So I gotta go, I don't have too much to say.. I'm just going to now hand the mic over to the Cell Membrane. My name is Cell Membrane. If you're like me it's hard to be sane. I control what nutrients go in and out, and the next batch of them comes in, and I have to send some out again. It's really crazy and my schedule is messed up. It's now cold season and from the pollen I have to stay away. I'm very conjested and I've been sneezing all day. I still have to do my job and it's hard to stay serious, because my mind's growing delirious. So you've now learned all the plant parts and you've become more educated. Now take the knowledge you've learned from us, and consider us old and outdated.
Chorus
'Cause we're cell parts, yes we''re cell parts, we've been around forever in all kinds of weather. So won't all you cell parts experts please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up?
[ X4 ]
We're gonna go back to our jobs now. Cell experts, y'all stand up.
My Argument's On Valentine's Day
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA #9
1/28/13
When a lot of people think about Valentine's Day they have different opinions on the holiday. Some like it, some skip school, others are looking around befuddled on what's happening. I don't exactly have a preference, but I'm going to show you both sides of the argument, and some possibilities of what could happen if we celebrate it or not, and may help you decide what you think. This is coming from the mind Tom Male, and Karen.
Dear Editor,
I don't think Valentine's Day should be celebrated in classrooms any more. Right now I'm speaking for the people who have the same dilemma as the one that has come upon me. This is my annual V-day:
Every girl in my class gives me the googly eyes, and I'm creeped out. They're always slipping past me and calling me "Sugar Booger," and some other names similar to that, but that I'm just to red-faced to admit. And all I have to face to them with are heart-shaped cards stating phrases like, "I love you," and "Be mine." After the girls get the adoring eyes on, I usually have to tell them that I don't like them that way, and to please stop sending me creepy Emails. Besides, my only real true love is God, because He loves me like I love Him. He also made my life possible, and I don't want to waste it inside a trashcan for the rest of my time in middle school. That's the reason I think Valentine's Day should be no longer celebrated in classrooms.
From,
Tom Male; age 12
Dear Editor,
I think Valentine's Day should still be celebrated in classrooms, because it brings interesting things to my 5th grade classroom. You never no if someone if someone is going to leave you a love note or not, or present you with a bouquet of flowers. Sadly that's never happened to me before. All the past Valentine's Days I'm the first one to get to my bag, and it's full of cards saying things like saying, "You're breath smells great today, please tell me what toothpaste you use. Love, Shane." Once I found a piece of gum at the bottom of my bag, I was unsure what I was supposed to do with it. So I just put it over my nose and pretended it was a breathe-right strip. You never no what kind of glee you can experience at Valentine's Day, so that's my argument on why we should be continuing on celebrating this lovely holiday.
Sincerely,
Karen: age 35
I Have Dreams
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA#8
1/23/13
I Mackenzie E. Culp have dreams; but this dream may make the U.S. better or take a turn for the worse. I'm sick and tired of racism, it makes me want to scream! I wish it would end, because I'm tired of hearing racist jokes about African Americans, Mexicans, Asians,and people from the Middle East. Whenever I hear a racist joke the first thoughts that come to my mind are, "Why?" I have tons of anger towards people who make racist comments, because they're not making anything better for anyone. Imagine being in the people who are being made fun of shoes; you walk into a country that you've heard great things about, but the natives there make rude signs, make fun of the way you talk, your skin tone, and your face. Racism is something that I hope will never continue on in the generations to come.
I have a dream that all the bad things we as people see about ourself would just go away. I speak for myself when I say this. When I gaze in the mirror, I see a monster behind glasses and a hoodie in my reflection. I have done such bad things in my past, and have hurt so many people, as I grow older and older, it pelts me with guilt. When people compliment me on something I did, I think that their judgement is dumb and wrong. I have asked God so many times what it is that people see in me for them to classify me as special, because I don't see it. Sometimes at recess I isolate myself from the others, because I really fear of being bothersome. Sometimes one bad thought about myself unleashes a whole river of terrible thoughts to go flooding, vigorously around my head. I think things like, " Boy, I'm so ugly. Nobody likes me. What did the world ever do to deserve a person like me walking on its soil? God, why am I here? " It makes me feel awful, and I just don't want to ruin anybody's day, so sometimes I spend recess alone.
I'm extremely sorry if I just made you depressed, and your thoughts of sunflowers, and clowns with rainbow- colored afros have totally left your mind. Good news is, I have one more dream, and it's more jubilant than the previous two. I have a dream that no matter what age you are, you have the freedom of changing your name. If that shortly became a law, I most likely would take advantage of it, because I have so many name ideas.My ideas of names that I enjoy now differs from when I was a little kid. For example: Names I Want Now:
Shanaynay
Auntie Bob
Fatniss
Tissue Box
Tootsie Roll
Octavia
Garrula (talkative in Latin)
Sandra
Names I Wanted When I Was A Youngster
Sparkles
Hannah Montana
Violet
Alex
Miley
I just wanted to show you my ideas. If there was actually a law that said you could change your name at any age, I'd be going to the court house nearly every week with a new name. Or maybe just a lot of middle names! Honestly, I think my mom would think I was crazy if I changed my name to one of the names on that list. I can imagine her getting really embarrassed yelling, "Tissue Box, honey, it's time to go home." Hope you enjoyed this, and didn't get to sober with my wiki! Bye!
My Jazzy Job!
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA #7
1/14/13
I heard comedians get paid really well. They're so many things I could do with money, but I already know what I'm going to do with the money. I want to donate the money to the less fortunate. I've just started thinking about how fortunate I am for everything I have. Some people aren't that lucky. I've also been thinking about the people on the side of the rode selling newspapers for money; I've realized that they're not doing because they want to, they have no choice. I get angry when I see how much they're ignored; some people just stare right pass them. Other organizations I want to donate to are orphanages, and foster homes. I feel really strongly about donating money to organizations like that, because there's a chance I probably couldn't have been adopted. (I'm glad I was because I would never know the people I'm so lucky to know now). So I want to give the kids who haven't been adopted to have a chance, like I've had. I was adopted by the Culp's and they've made me one of their own (so have Izzy the elegant and sweet cat, and Macy, the chubby,lovable dog.) I want other kids to feel like they're loved and wanted too, and to have someone to say,"I love you," and give them warm, compassionate hugs. That's what I'm fighting for to succeed my comedic dream.
By now you probably know I strive to be a stand-up comedian when I grow up. I've told some adults, and they respond with a sour look on their face. "Ooh, you want to be a comedian? That's a tough job to do, little lady. You know, a lot of people fail doing comedy. I believe you can do it, but you'll need some major luck." Yeah, thanks for your support Bill Maher. I really hope I'll become the best comedian that has ever walked the earth. God has helped me develop my sense of humor, and I know he can help me take it farther, (praise God). I'm obsessed about being a comedian; absolutely obsessed, I'm always looking for new ways to farther expand my humor. Whether it's looking up funny videos, or watching comedy classics, I'm always looking for fresh, funny ideas. When I'm a comedian, if my audience was totally eating my comedy up and laughing so much that their sides hurt, I would go do my victory dance and thank God. I would also go check the bathrooms to see if the lines are really long!
No matter what I end up doing, I'll always know God is on my side. I want to fulfill my purpose on the earth, and be a huge blessing! And if being a comedian is a way to do so, I'll do it. I'm doing it for my families, the children, the 5th grade, and for myself. Plus, I might get to meet George Lopez! So, do you think I have what it takes to be an amazing comedian?
your page Test
My Heartfelt New Year's Resolution
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA#6
1/4/13
My last resolution is to be a better person.I want to accomplish this by being a better sport, being very encouraging, giving more people a chance, and to not act so nervous and shy around some people. Most of the time, I may seem I also want to set a better example for little kids and closely censor what I say, so they won't go home with new vocabulary words. Another thing I could do to be a better person is to make people smile more, because when I make people smile, I smile. Please don't think about the creepiness of that sentence, but I do love people, and I want to make people feel jubilant! I will do my best to accomplish these goals!
Have I Got A Sweater For You!
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA#5
12/4/12
If you're looking for the most mysterious, silly,and tacky sweater, that's wool, Walmart has just the sweater for you! It's rainbow colored, and stitched magnificently on the front is a picture of Santa Claus dancing Gangnam Style. What an interesting combination, don't you think? You guys will look fabulous in it, and it'll definitely add some spark to the holiday season! The best part is profits made off of this sweater will go to an organization helping the struggling American's, that have been hit by Hurricane Sandy. WARNING: This sweater isn't returnable, so don't try to return it!
11/5/12
God Bless My Parents
By Mackenzie Culp
GPCA#4
Dear Mom and Dad,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for adopting me. Life for me would be so different if you hadn't said you wanted me. I mean that because for my readers who don't know, I'm adopted. Earlier I mentioned that if I hadn't been adopted by my current parents I . . . well, I wouldn't be in Ms. Folan's class right now, I wouldn't even be at Summit School, and saddest of all I wouldn't know any of my fellow fifth graders. I feel so lucky and blessed to be even be here at my house typing this letter on my computer. It really brings tears to my eyes when I hear the word "adoption" not necessarily sad tears three fourths of them are jubilant tears. But the other one fourth of the tears are sad because I don't know my real parents. For other adopted people they might grow mentally distressed at not knowing who their real parents are. Not me, though sometimes I do wonder who they really are I don't have to worry, because I've got loving parents right here.
Love,
Your third and last child,
Mackenzie Culp
Non-Comedians Can Be Hilarious Too
By Mackenzie Culp
10/12/12
GCPA #3
If I could be any person for a day I would be Bill Cosby! I would get to be payed for telling jokes and making people laugh. I might even slip in some dark humor, even though I don't think i'm the kind of person who would make fun of someone like that. The reason I'd pick to be
Bill Cosby is because he has a comedy talent and a knack for making people laugh that I'd just love to have. I love when people tell me I'm really funny. When I make people laugh it makes me feel like I'm at the top of the world. If I were as funny as Bill Cosby is I'd be feeling like queen of the world. Especially if I can be like Bill Cosby.You know when people look back on their life and laugh about all the silly and goofy things they did? If I were him I'd definitely have a ton of things to laugh about (and a few stomach aches), I'd laugh about the funniest joke I told, or my favorite Cosby Show episode I was in, (in real life my favorite episode is either Mr. Sandman, Goodbye Mr. Fish, or Thanksgiving At The Huxstables (Cliff's Wet Adventure). Or maybe think back to me interviewing The Jackson 5 in 1974, or even when I was interviewed by George Lopez. I could also ponder over how many famous people I know/knew. Like Stevie Wonder (I'd love to meet him) , Keshia Knight Pulliam, Tempest Bledsoe, Phlicia Rashad, Malcom Jamal Warner, Raven Symone, Lisa Bonnet, Sabrina Lebeauf, Michael Jackson etc. I would really like to meet all of them some day because they were all in at least one episode in the show. I know Bill knew Michael Jackson because I remember Mr. Cosby saying in an interview that he used to invite Mr. Jackson's family over to play basketball. One more reason I'd want to be Bill Cosby is because of his funny facial expressions! Whenever I feel depressed I go on my computer and look up his expressions and laugh over them. I think for me that would be a great quality to have because sometimes my facial expressions make people scared.
10/4/12
GPCA #2
Some Presidential Debate, If There Was One Like This
Notes By Mackenzie Culp, girl in the running.
I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, lines of worry and restless nights and dark circles around my eyes show up against my tan skin. This could be the face of the 45th president of the United States of America, but I have tough competition:Mitt Romney. I think back to my campaign. Am I going to do the things I promise? Will I lie now and face the consequences if elected? No, I can't do that. George Bush put us deep into debt, I don't want to put us even deeper in it. My campaign has been going smoothly and I see a lot of yard signs with my name on it which makes me smile, but now in this point in the election my face remains grim. I look at my schedule and my heart is now in my throat, todays the presidential debate, aaagh! I go deep into my head and find my campaign promises, I silently recite: If I'm elected president I promise more jobs, more taxes on the wealthy and less taxes on the middle class, equality, and most of all happiness. How am I going to do all this? This is an awful lot to promise for a four-year turm. I go back to bed and maybe I'll think of something asleep.
When I wake up I find myself in the car and on the road. How did I get here? Oh I must have overslept and dad could've carried me down here. How the heck did he do that? I'm very heavy. Before I know it we've arrived at the location the debate is going to take place. I step out of the car groggily and lean against the car. I look a few feet away and there I see Romney looking smug and well rested. He spots me and walks over,"Hey Culp why the long face?" he chortled."Why don't you go back home and sleep s'more? It'll do you more good than go up against me in the debate." "That just shows how smart you are Romney,"I growled, my voice hoarse,"smart talking at ten year-old.Fathomable." "Well at least I got a college degree," he laughed. His laugh sent a shiver down my spine like someone just put ice down it. I can't let him beat me. I got to beat him and beat him good.
I'm now on stage and looking into the monstrous crowd before me. I glance at my family and hear my brother say,"If she wins the election she'll have a job before I do." I guess that is comforting. I feel a hand touch my shoulder,"Don't worry I'll be right here with you," my running mate Joe Biden cooed in my ear. "Attention please all you lovely ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the Presidential Debate of 2012! Our first topic you two will be discussing is taxes. Each one of you only gets three minutes so hurry up." announced the announcer. Darn, I thought the speech was going to be longer than that. Romney glared maliciously at me,"Well people I promise less taxes on the wealthy, more taxes on the middle class, and seniors to pay up to $1600 a year," Romney announced satisfied. "What you talkin' 'bout Willis? Man you have it all wrong, that's just messed up!" I exclaimed. "First of all there should be more taxes on millionaires and less taxes on the middle class, seniors should pay less because they're you know . . . seniors. People of America do you want to vote for somebody who would do that to y'all?" I asked them. "No," they replied. Well almost all of them, except some millionaires in the back said "Yes." "Mr. Romney is it true that in 2009 you made millions of dollars?" I questioned him."Yes," he bragged proudly. "And you only paid 14% of it in taxes?' "Yes," he agreed his smugness sliding away. "Oh please,"Romney spat,"she's only ten and I hardly think she should be qualified to discuss the matter." "I second," agreed his running mate Paul Ryan. "You think because she's ten she can't talk about the matter?" angered Joe Biden. "Well yeah," replied Paul Ryan. "You and I need to step in the back, Paul," Joe screamed. Obediently he and Joe went to the back a.k.a. the parking lot three blocks down. Oh great Joe's gotten into a fight and we haven't been here ten minutes.
"I think we should change the subject to jobs," Romney groaned. "Yes Mr. Romney, I would like to talk to you about that too," I smiled. "I know a lot of Americans have lost their jobs, but we will find a solution. Which is with the extra money we gain from the wealthy we can use it to build more jobs, factories and franchises , and pay more people with more money." "This ten year-old knows what she's talking about," a man in the front exclaimed. "I think we should use that money with something else, Romney spluttered. "What for, to buy yourself some new grandpa suspenders?" I asked. His face turned bright red and he got angry.
"Lets now talk about debt," the announcer pleaded. "Ladies first," Romney glared, shooting daggers of hatred from his eyes. "I think we should lower taxes on the middle class, and let the wealthy pay a little more so-" "We're on debt not taxes here," chuckled Romney. "Don't interupt me, you didn't let me get to the point,"I sassed. "If you would've gotten to the point faster I wouldn't have had to interrupt you," Romney shot back. "Mr. Romney I think you should let the woman speak," urged the announcer. "Well my mouth is open so I'm going to say something," Romney argued. "If only your mouth was closed," wished the announcer.
Before he could come up with a clever retort the producer yelled,"That's it for the Presidential Debate of 2012, some debate it was though.We didn't even get to all the topics.But I think we'll finally get more viewers this time!" he screamed delightedly."Who will win the election? Who will lose?" I hope I win, but how will I, I'm only ten? You got to, I told myself, you just got to.
I look at Romney who's attempt in anger to drink water he ends up furiously getting his suit wet. I can't let that guy be president, he'll probably get into some arguement with a four year-old for chewing gum too loudly. Now that I've thought of that I have got to win, but the rest of the election ahead of me is unforseen. I think I should be elected because I promise more jobs, equality,to lower taxes on the middle class,happiness and to make America a better place.
Here's Mackey signing off!
GPCA #1
The Real Cell Parts
Parody of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem.
Intro
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will all y'all students please listen up?
I repeat, will all y'all students please listen up?
You're gonna learn some science here.
Verse 1
Y'all act like you've never seen a plant cell before.
Eyes looking at the door like you're expecting a classroom war.
Well look at me here you gonna learn some more, whether you
like it or not or you're extremely bored (no!). Lets start with me the chloroplasts
because I'm important. I make food with all the sun's energy that
I'm storing. I make the plant green and I'm really essential to the plants body.
Chloroplasts are things that the animal cells don't need, because they capture their own food and don't need the sun's energy.We should be thankful for chloroplasts, if plants didn't have them we would have to think of something fast(oh yeah).I'll probably have to move on to something else, because I want to educate you on plant cells very well.So you better listen up and keep your ears very clean, don't look at me like that with all those sad faces I know you're keen.I hope that sticks in your brain, sticks in your brain, because what I'm about to tell you might seem insane. So listen up put away all y'all's Hunger Games books, then pay attention 'cause I'm a lot stronger than I look.And of course I'm going to tell y'all what a cell wall is it helps the plant cell keep its shape square, and its edges are hard so the cell won't tare.
The animal cells say that plant cells having a cell wall isn't fair. Just face it animal cells we just don't care.
I frequently chat with Mr.Cell Wall, he talks about how his work is so hard and all. I mean you'd think standing on the outside of us isn't so hard, but he has to keep us in line and for that he's a star! But if you feel Cell Wall does then a vacation is a must, get ready everyone here's the chorus!
Chorus
I'm a chloroplast, yes I'm a chloroplast, I'm going to teach you parts of a plant cell really fast,
so students in the room please listen up, please listen up, please listen up.
[ X2 ]
Verse 2
All y'all kids might mistake me for jelly, but I'm not, so please don't confuse me with it again.
To all you kids in the classroom who are ten or eleven, I work 24/7. I have to guard the captain, the one who makes everything
happen,almost like a chief or commando. As you see I have a very important role.I put my arms almost like a bear hug around our captain Nucleus very protectively,because
if I don't the jokes on me (he-he). If I let something harm Nucleus I might as well quit now, 'cause if I do our whole plant cell is going down. But I have some tough enemies, like viruses or bacteria. If they somehow get through me the other cell parts will give me very harsh criteria.
Speaking of the other cell parts they don't trust me because I'm really extremely large and rather jiggly.
Chorus
'Cause I'm Cytoplasm, yes I'm Cytoplasm. I'm gonna watch all you viruses and bacteria spasm because I'm the guarder of the Nucleus, Nucleus, Nucleus.
[ X2 ]
Verse 3
Speaking of a Captain Nucleus here I am! The Cytoplasm protects me and fights for me like I'm Uncle Sam. I'm the one in charge around here, so do what I say. To all you humans, I'm a smaller version of a brain. I control how the cell grows, develops, and divides. When I tell my little minions what to do, their all ears and eyes. I control about 90% of what happens.I'm like Senecca Crane from the Hunger Games.It's funny, i have a lot to do today. Virus and bacteria are on their way.So I gotta go, I don't have too much to say.. I'm just going to now hand the mic over to the Cell Membrane. My name is Cell Membrane. If you're like me it's hard to be sane. I control what nutrients go in and out, and the next batch of them comes in, and I have to send some out again. It's really crazy and my schedule is messed up. It's now cold season and from the pollen I have to stay away. I'm very conjested and I've been sneezing all day. I still have to do my job and it's hard to stay serious, because my mind's growing delirious. So you've now learned all the plant parts and you've become more educated. Now take the knowledge you've learned from us, and consider us old and outdated.
Chorus
'Cause we're cell parts, yes we''re cell parts, we've been around forever in all kinds of weather. So won't all you cell parts experts please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up?
[ X4 ]
We're gonna go back to our jobs now. Cell experts, y'all stand up.